


Thought I’d Try Again

by imaginarytalkingrabbit



Category: Discworld - Terry Pratchett
Genre: Book: Monstrous Regiment, Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-23
Updated: 2019-01-23
Packaged: 2019-10-09 02:46:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17398538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imaginarytalkingrabbit/pseuds/imaginarytalkingrabbit
Summary: Following the events of the last pages of the book, it's about time Polly and Mal addressed a certain something.





	Thought I’d Try Again

**Author's Note:**

> I just found this lil' thing I wrote and posted on Tumblr back in 2015. I completely forgot about it til' now, but I was pleasantly surprised to discover that I am not entirely mortified by the writing. In fact I find it mildly amusing. Hopefully you do too.
> 
> I've edited, of course*, but much is the same as it was back then. It's been a while since I read the book so I couldn't add much.
> 
> *And may edit again in a few years when if I suddenly remember it exists.

Being an attractive smart-arse was Mal*’s second favourite hobby**. She liked to practice this art by grinning knowingly at blonde women. Unfortunately blonde women didn't usually appreciate her fangs or superior attitude, so she tended to get a negative response. To make matters worse, she had recently realised that she cared how blonde women felt about her. This sort of thinking could only end in tragedy.

The problem with giving up blood was that it forced you to think of humans as something other than food. Being a good little vamp and not biting humans was one thing, but actually liking them…

Mal did not want to become one of those angst-ridden vampires who watched their pet humans sleep because teenage inter-species romance was fashionable this year.

What did she see in this skinny former barmaid anyway? It had to be more than the hair colour.

*She figured, why bother with Maladicta? Like all traditional vampire names it was too ostentatious to be taken seriously, making it a pain for day to day use among ordinary humans. 

**Mal’s favourite hobby is of course, drinking coffee and her third favourite is not suitable for a general audience. Take an educated guess.

* * *

Mal had suddenly decided to stop sleeping upside down.

The vampire had previously been the easiest person to find quarters for. All she needed was a tree or beam to hang from and that was that. But a week ago, in a clearing outside HeinrichWilhelmHorstRudolfsBurg she declared that sleeping like a bat was cliched and unnecessary. Mal really was quite a bastard when she wanted to be*. Of course, there were no spare tents and there was no more space in the existing ones. Except Polly's...

Sleeping in such close proximity to each other was driving Polly mad. Mal wasn't really doing anything, but it was the little things, like the fact that she always seemed to be leaning stylishly against something, even when lying down. Also, Polly could not ignore the fact that during the day Mal kept winking and grinning in That Way, as if she knew something Polly didn't. 'Smug' was the word normally used to describe the vampire’s showing-off-my-perfect-fangs look, but recently Polly had noticed something else.

Something needed to be said.

"Mal..." said Polly, keeping her eyes fixed on the roof of the tent.

"Ozzer?**" Mal turned to face her.

"Why are you here?" Polly asked.

Mal smirked and began, in the sort of voice patronising grown-ups use when talking to children: “well, when a mummy and a daddy love each other very much-“

Polly immediately forgot about not making make eye-contact. She gave Mal a 'I am your sergeant so you will answer me properly' glare. “No, I mean: why did you decide to enlist again?”

Mal smiled not-quite-sheepishly. “I wanted to be with my sweetheart.”

Polly rolled her eyes. Mal sighed and gave her  a meaningful look. “Okay, I wanted to be with the girl I _wished_ was my sweetheart.”

The vampire was rarely sincere about anything, but she looked quite serious now.

Polly tried to figure out what this meant.  _Girl?_   Did this mean Mal was like Tonker and Lofty? There were more of them? Also, what girl? _Oh._

"No, really," Mal continued, "I've grown quite fond of your cute little face, Oz...even that weird mole has a certain charm."

 _Cute?_   Polly frowned. She was pretty sure she wasn't cute. That certainly was _not_ the look she was aiming for. “What weird mole?”

Mal touched a part of Polly’s cheek. “That one.”

The mole in question could not actually be seen by the human eye, but the vampire eye is sharp***. Polly felt herself blushing despite herself, which was perfect, bloody perfect, because the last thing this blood- sorry, coffee-sucker needed was more fuel for her ego. But Polly had no idea what to say now, so they just stared at each other. Mal did not remove her hand from Polly's face. 

But Polly didn't mind, really. Once she got past the paranoid thoughts about being maybe being hypnotised by possibly magical vampire eyes, past the ‘why in Nuggan’s name am I enjoying this?’ uncertainty, it felt…nice.

 

Mal leaned in.

*When 'Mal wanted to be' meant as often as she could get away with it. Which was basically always. 

**Mal only called her that in private. Around other people Polly was always 'Sarge'.

***Or possibly lying.


End file.
